Encephalatronicalogical Pamphlet

2nd November 2003

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Editorial: Those Neo-Nazi Greens Should Be Taken Out the Back and Shot

Senator Brandis warns of a dangerous new threat

Senator George Brandis has raised a timely alarm this week, pointing an accusing, or accusatory, finger squarely and pointedly, at the Australian Greens. The Greens are considered by most Australians a laughable aside , a difficult, polluting rabble, but are, as Brandis points out, in Reality a sinister and growing threat to our Democracy.

Those neo-Nazi Australian Greens should be taken out the back and shot.

To begin with, they're not normal people. They're hirsute and scruffy. They don't eat straight. Many of them are academics, and/or unemployed. They're obstructionist, imprecise, unruly, long-winded, constantly complaining, vague, lazy, dissolute, unproductive, inefficient, divisive, and, as the good Senator has made blindingly clear in the Upper House of this liberal democratic land, bigots and sinister Fascists of the worst variety.

This clarion call from Sen. Brandis follows a disgusting insult to the Australian people, its great symbols, and its long-standing institutions, that interrupted US President and Leader of the Free World George W Bush's recent visit to Canberra, an incident that adequately demonstrated the pusilanimous disregard these fanatical vegetarian Hitlerites have for the Australian way of life, and the fundamental and traditional tenets of our culture.

With both Houses gathered in mute appreciation of what can only be described as a seminal moment in the proud history of this nation, the President began his speech with his customary grace. But even as he drove home to all assembled a powerful, democratic message of global unity, order, freedom, open markets and stability, one of these unpleasant Greens, a Senator Bob Brown, rose to his feet and began to shout in an ugly voice about two terrorists held overseas for whom he clearly has some unimaginable sympathies.

This miscreant was soon silenced by the good conduct of Parliament House staff, a more than magnanimous comment from the President, and timely and sustained applause from Members to the President's right. But another of the peculiar and distressing creatures rose a moment later and continued the crude interjection, and had to be similarly quelled.

Later, as the President was leaving the chamber, these Australian Greens actually attempted to accost him with some radical petition, and were only restrained with the help of parliamentary staff and Coalition Members, particularly Senator Ross Lightfoot, whose swift elbow was instrumental in delaying the malignant forward rush of environmental fanatic Senator Kerry Nettle.

Brown is elected to our Upper House by virtue of a quirk of history and changing populations - now absurdly few dreadlocked and neo-fascisticist Green Tasmanians are required to bring him into Parliament for another term, and there he sits, by turns mercurial and irate, plotting his diabolical new world order, drawing sketches of futuristic highways, and occasionally delivering extensive harangues on issues of foreign policy and public architecture.

Scientists have determined his voice is thirty decibels louder than the human average - many listeners report an experience of a strange hypnosis during his speeches, which seems to make them more than usually receptive to persuasion.

But this is only the beginning of the many chilling commonalities between the Australian Greens and the National Socialist German Workers Party. Senator Brandis warned there exist direct and irrefutable ideological links between the Greens and the National Socialists German Workers Party via the romantics of the Black Forest, and other mystical European naturalists fanatically devoted to the idea that the one process of nature that must be respected and observed above all others is the idea of natural selection - of competition, between animals in the wild, and between human beings in constructed societies.

While it may be fashionable in the modern world to pretend that dangerous movements of this sort can't possibly grow up amongst us here in Australia, with our fine traditions of liberal values, enshrinement of individual freedoms, and harmonious relations with other cultures, Brandis suggests we might be vigilant, or find our valued Weltanschauung challenged by a puritanical clique of fascist zealots.

What might a future under the Greens mean for Australians? Thousands held indefinitely behind razor wire in camps in the desert? Millions more forced into menial repetitive employment in the name of a grand, global project of improvement? Individual will eroded in accordance with a closed set of familiar numerical indicators - much-quoted abstractions that supposedly reflect natural forces in the physical world?

Certainly we would see Australians subjected to the crude indignity of constant, demeaning, condescending propaganda: a tide of images and slogans on television screens, on radio, and in newspapers, uniform in depicting an endlessly satisfying, richly-textured, secure, earthly utopia just out of reach.

Senator Brandis has done this great and proud country a heroic service in bringing to the surface this ugly foe of freedom and democracy in Australia. In fact, the Greens are one of the groups in society that responsible politicians of the modern age recognise must be dealt with, if Progress is to continue unabated, and if the Prime Minister's mandated vision for Australia is to be fully realised.

Here at the Irony Party of Australia, we've become so concerned about this new Nazi threat to our peaceful, democratic society, we're considering donning balaclavas and taking to the Greens ourselves with nightsticks and baseball bats. Already we're planning an extensive PR campaign based on convincing messages which we feel will meet with the approval of the network executives, and combat the evil Green Nazi menace rising up across the nation.

But surely there must be a more permanent solution.

Copyleft, The Irony Pary of Australia, November 2003

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