(Three years ago when interest rate increases last threatened Australian lifestyles, the Government warned Reserve Bank Governor Ian Macfarlane to stop it if he valued his cohones, since there was an election not far off, and Macfarlane did. This article was originally published at the Irony Party of Australia's Electronic Pamphlet in December 2003. In May 2006 the Reserve Bank has again increased official interest rates, and is again the subject of attack. Except for the resignation of John Anderson, neither the spokesmouths or the issues have altered in the intermediary period. Simon Tennant, for example, is still a cheap trollope working for the Housing Industry The relevance of this short piece, therefore, is reduced not a bit.)

Fat, wealthy little men are coming out of the woodwork this week to warn the Reserve Bank against rocking the boat with further interest rate increases that could begin to seriously fuck up the whole sweet money-pile. The Bank announced an interest rate rise of one quarter of one per cent this morning, after its regular monthly meeting yesterday.

"We’re raking it in here," said a flabby-faced spokesman from the Housing Industry Association. "It’s all sown up and in the bag. We've expended a good deal of time and energy in establishing a workable system of loopholes built on the sort of good old-fashioned corruption even the most inane executive slut can comprehend. Now the Reserve Bank wants to spoil the party."

Sweating profusely, the media functionary waved a pudgy hand at the gathered press, calling for the entire Reserve Bank board to be sacked in favour of more buyable men. Reliable, purchasable people like himself, who can be relied upon to take the money, grin, and swear that it’s all in the best interests of the consumer.

"There's more growth to be had!" he opined excitedly. "There’s still a lot of people who can be shoe-horned into less space in our inner cities," said the HIA puppet, dancing merrily for his masters. "There are vast swathes of coastline without hotels, conference centres, medium rise investment properties, or resorts. There remains in Australia a vast potential for middle class suburban sprawl.

"To abandon all of this potential wealth to some misplaced sense of civic duty would be criminal," smiled Tennant ( the odious tool of the Housing Industry Association). He explained further: "After all, we’re a liberal democratic society, which means anyone can aspire to be in the ten per cent, skimming the cream off the top, and those that don’t make it understand that they weren’t hungry enough for the game."

Politicians, too, have been jerked into action by a tug on the leash or a slap on the rump from absorbent, fleshy lunch-time pimps with tiny eyes and slow-moving, colourless minds that move the mouths and hands of their parliamentary sluts with the simple words and crude incentives at their disposal.

"I don’t think there’s a case for significant increases in interest rates," said Prime Minister John Howard on Lateline last week, carefully limiting his intervention in the independent monetary policy of the Bank to directing it not to raise interest rates.

Much of the old infrastructure of the British Empire and the brief era of socialism that followed it remains, and is yet to be melted down at the behest of international behemoths and local financial institutions. These organisations envision a future golden age – an endless reach of perfectly designed suburbia – conquering the landscape, serviced by small, sculpted parks and beautiful, well-catered malls.

"Enough is enough," said likely buffoon and Deputy Prime Minister John "straight shooter" Anderson, narrowing his eyes threateningly through cameras at the Reserve Bank board (so abrogating the odd bipartisan policy of non-intervention), the cold hand of industry on his shoulder. He’s angry about the cost of exports and the profits of the agriculture barons, because he doesn’t like abusive phone calls from obese, stupid billionaires, and prefers the other kind, by which his Party’s future is procured.