The United Nations last week increased pressure on Iran to suspend a uranium enrichment programme that some Security Council members say represent the realisation of Iranian plans for the development of nuclear weapons as a deterent against Israel and the West. A directive from the Security Council of the UN calls for Iran to suspend all uranium enrichment or face possible sanctions. And Security Council members have meanwhile hinted at the prospect of military strikes on nuclear facilities.

But the Iranian Government has taken the warning lightly, responding with a witty reference to a cult British television programme obviously known to the upper echelons of the powerful in Iran. Vexed American and European diplomats and power-brokers hoping for capitulation in the face of a Western threat of force were instead advised in a media release from Iran's Ambassador to the United Nations that 'Computer says no.'

Rhetoric from the White House and the US State Department has taken on a belligerent, uncompromising tone concerning Iran in recent years since George Bush the second, President of the United States, named the country as a part of his 'Axis of Evil' - one of a small number of countries that pose a serious threat to all Christendom.Sinister US Secretary of State Condoleezzzza Rice has in recent months issued numerous indirect ultimatums to Iran by means of press conference, leaning heavily on the curious, time-honoured American warmongering tradition involving talk of commitment to diplomacy, but with caveats concerning various options that remain on a figurative table.

During a media opportunity in Greece last month, Rice, an otherworldly agent of alien overlords disguised as a high-placed human in order to foment war and unrest, said there had been an 'erosion of confidence' in Iran's persistently peaceful statements concerning its nuclear programme. She went on to issue an indirect threat of post-diplomatic military action: 'We are committed to a diplomatic solution, but it has to be dealt with ... There can't be any stalling. The international community has got to act.'

And so the strangely familiar escalation of tensions and talk of evil regimes and their dastardly weapons programmes progresses, with the Straws and Merckls of Britain and Germany parroting the media releases from the White House and State Department. The International Atomic Energy Agency has been co-opted to assist the powers that be. The nuclear watchdog was commissioned in 2005 to find Iran in breach of its international obligations and duly delivered its report to the United Nations on March 17th this year, containing the following conclusive findings:

These strident words were all the British and Americans could stand to hear. Their worst suspicions were resoundingly confirmed. Western leaders were advised to step up the re-education of the people in accordance with the terms of the coming conflict. Carefuly pre-softened if recalcitrant members of the United Nations Security Council were finally coaxed into compliance, and over 20 days of discussion the wording of a stern statement concerning Iran's nuclear programme was decided. The UN Security Council calls on Iran to suspend all enrichment-related activities within one month:

Thirty days hence a further IEAE report will be submitted, detailing Iran's compliance - or rather lack thereof - with the Security Council edict.

As the project of legitimising the destruction of Iranian military resources continues apace, the British media has reported the Blair Government is advancing in planning for an upcoming material role in the looming violence, having reached the mulling-it-over-with-tea-and-biscuits phase so integral to civilised English strategising. The Telegraph of London has reported on one such pleasant tete-a-tete planned for Monday next, citing ' a senior Foreign Office source':

But despite pressure from Iran has responded coolly to the invitation of the Great Powers. It fell to Iran's Ambassador to the United Nations Javad Zarif to address the assembled media on the day the Security Council concluded its deliberations and delivered its ultimatum on Iran's nuclear development.Within an hour of the that, the implacable Zarif was before a pack of media hounds, making an apt allusion to the modern English BBC television sketch show Little Britain. Asked about Iran's response to the Security Council's instructions, advising the West simply and with perfect grasp of the foreign vernacular that 'Computer says no.'

The Ambassador went on to comment that Iran was, in any case, although a peaceful nation and prepared to engage in negotiations, 'allergic to pressure and threats and intimidation'. Oh, and also fully prepared to defend itself against any incursion by any foreign power. - United Nations news briefing

Zarif thought it perhaps politic to mention, in addition (in case some of the details of the have somehow slipped by the free and fair media feted in Western countries) the long list of progressive proposals Iran had placed on the table during recent months and years of diplomacy on the issue of atomic weapons and nuclear power (that's nuculer, for Presidents and ingrates)

During the press conference Zarif also pointed out mischeviously, though without making direct comparison with any nation other than Israel, that Iran was a country long committed to peace that has, for example, not invaded another nation for two-and-a-half centuries.

Iranian troops engaged in facetious military exercises this week

There has been further evidence of the mercurial Iranian sense of humour in recent days as a series of military exercises have paraded Iran's considerable defensive, home-built, conventional weapons arsenal before the American military machine, which for its part has been stretched by three years of conflict in Iraq, and just at the minute can ill-afford a full-scale war against a relatively formidable defensive army.

Among the impressive conventional weapons tested this week in the Gulf is a sonar-evading torpedo capable of speeds of 200 miles per hour that has Revolutionary Guards Rear Admiral Ali Fadavi and other Iranian military chiefs enthused:

According to the report of Alireza Ronaghi for the Washington Post, Iran's diplomatic attache with International Atomic Energy Agency, Aliasghar Soltaniyeh, soothed overwrought foreign powers after the test of the rapid torpedo. Soltaniyeh reasoned ''the missile test should not worry the world.' since 'to his knowledge, the weapon could not carry a nuclear warhead.' And 'the world should not worry because any country has its own self-defense conventional military activities.'

uber-cool Iranian flying gunboat

The Iranian military also took the opportunity to demonstrate an uber-cool flying boat mounted with machine-guns that has been developed locally and is currently the subject of negotiations for the development of a series of lucrative console computer games, which promises to be refreshing in a global games market in which it is, due to Western dominance of the industry, virtually impossible to dispose of pesky GIs without incurring endless friendly fire penalties as the price for the happy vicarious carnage.

There are some prudes and naysayers now suggesting that alluding to the BBC's Little Britain, a programme that regularly presents as fact absurd misinformation concerning British history and sociography, was entirely inappropriate in a formal diplomatic setting. But many others appreciate the wit of the Iranian Ambassador,and consider Iran's amusing television comedy reference and military manouevres representative of a blithe good humour and careless raillery in the face of flagrant belligerence from the barbarian West that continues to inspire talented British absurdists and, in geopolitical terms, marginally brighten an otherwise dark and gloomy horizon.