http://ironyparty.org/pamphlet Read the electronic pamphlet of the Irony Party of Australia, a subversive, illegitimate political organisation devoted to the demise of the Australian State through the expedients of wit and raillery. en-au http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209606takingtea.php Prime Minister John Howard has signed an historic deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin for the sale of Australian uranium to the totalitarian dictatorship-turned beacon of democracy. Mr Howard told reporters he is pleased that Australian radioactive materials could soon be poisoning Russian investigative journalists across Europe. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209506luckycountry.php In the midst of unprecedented security associated with the APEC summit about to begin in Sydney, Australians are perhaps reflecting this evening how fortunate it is that this is a liberal, democratic nation, founded on the ideals of political and social freedom, and dedicated to the preservation of these ideals and freedoms in perpetuity. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209406hujintao.php Some president or something or whatever they have over there from one of those Northern Hemisphere countries arrived in Sydney at 10 p.m this evening to participate in an APEC meeting with 20 other world leaders, on the same day that Chinese President Hu Jintao set down 300 kilometres away in Canberra for a little light pre-summit diplomacy. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209306delusioninadequate.php A recent accounting of Government advertising and public relations over the 11 years of the incumbents' reign puts the total spend over the period at more than $2 billion dollars. Health Minister Tony Abbott has defended the record expenditure, but critics say the enormous fund should have easily been enough to allow the Government to create in the Australian people a sense of perfect contentment and unreserved satisfaction with all aspects of the ruling party's agenda and conduct. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#108107 A chasm has opened in global markets and value is pouring down it and disappearing, possibly forever. Meanwhile, billions of people around the world not sufficiently wealthy to be involved in the purchase of shares are unperturbed by the financial disaster. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209206realitytv.php Big Brother, Survivor and other reality televisions shows are widely considered a blight on Western civilisation and a symptom of serious cultural decline a la Marcuse. But new research suggests young people who have fallen victim to the vacuous eye-candy have been inadvertently schooled in one area of relevance to civic life - namely matters related to the ballot. The vote. Election. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209106laborpledge.php On the day the Australian Labor Party launched its workplace relations policy ahead of the coming election, the long-standing Opposition Party has attempted to have a bet each way. The ALP has promising to restore the power of trade unions by forcing Australian workers to be signatory to union-negotiated 'Awards'. But at the same time, the Party's Deputy Leader Julia Gillard has given a clear indication the Party has abandoned its role as a defender of the rights of the ordinary worker, instead pledging to support employees and executives with equal fervour. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty209006uscitizenshurt.php Several citizens of the United States have been slightly hurt today in a devastating accident in Delaware, Maine. Others who witnessed the horrific disaster that has become headline news across the world say they were 'shocked', 'surprised', and 'worried', when a shopping trolley filled with Oreos, Twinkies, and other high-fat, sugary name-brand products rolled past aisle 6 towards the checkouts. The trolley continued on its path of destruction, colliding with a man in his forties, a mother of 51 and her 22-year-old son. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#108107 In the US Bush Administration policy adviser and campaign manager Karl Rove has announced his resignation. Rove is credited with a kind of Machivellian talent for winning elections, and has been applauded by some for his role as puppet-master to President George W. Bush's appallingly unconvincing but twice-elected puppet. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208906demiseofdemocracy.php Long-simmering leadership tensions between tiny Australian Prime Minister John Howard and Treasurer Peter Costello have been reignited today, with blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208806racialdiscrimination.php Legislation related to a non-racist Federal Government intervention in Indigenous communities in Australia's Northern Territory has been swooshed through a pliant Parliament by a triumphant Indigenous Affairs Minister Mal Brough. In NT's Indigenous communities the cry has at last reached thousands of joyous souls: 'civilisation is at hand'. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#108007 The Nine Network's new drama series, Darkie Patrol, is to be launched this week and a pre-election extravaganza at Sydney's Star City casino. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208706.php Radio talk-back host Stan Zemanek has been described as being in a 'malingering and slacking' condition as he wilts before the onset of a brain tumor. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107907 Workplace Relations Minister Joe Hockey offended Australian women today when he made the anachronistic and sexist suggestion the reason the Opposition's workplace policies are more successful than those of the Government is that his opposite number Julia Gillard is 'prettier' than he is. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107807 Prime Minister John Howard has ordered the Australian cricket team to abandon a proposed tour of strife-torn Zimbabwe after weeks of diplomatic pressure exerted against Cricket Australia failed to produce any change in the sporting body's hard-line stance. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107707 In interview with Shaikh Al Hilali, the beleagered Mufti of Australia, Australian Federal Police have reportedly raised the issue of the Mufti's potential sedition, after the mufti, during a speech on Moslem unity, urged local followers of the Islamic faith to lend support to 'axis of evil' nation Iran. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208606.php A group of Australian managers has recently returned from a two-week team building exercise in which they walked Papua New Guinea's Kokoda Track, on the way developing a degree of vicarious resilience not witnessed since 1942, when the region saw brutal and intense combat between units of the Japanese Imperial Army and an ad hoc force comprised of Australian militia and regular forces. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107706 In Clifton Hill it's getting chilly at this time of year, and woodfires burn in newly painted mid-twentieth century homes (or ducted heating in the cubist boxes au fait with modern builders and architects). The suburb near the city centre and bisected by Hoddle Street, was for a time the bane of property developers and owners, who could barely turn a buck from the sale of the motley jumble of townhouses, cottages and bungalows sandwiched between Northcote and Fitzroy. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208506speakingamerican.php It is well understood that cruel and fraudulent practises abound in this fraught and troubled world of ours, perpetrated ad nauseum and in the main by those entirely without scruple. Now a new and ugly fraud is being practiced on many of those who decide to broaden their horizons by learning the planet spanning lingua franca 'English'. Diligent study of the language of choice of recent global oppressors is now likely to be rewarded with disappointment rather than opportunity, with many discovering only too late they have not learned English at all, but are instead speaking American. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208406barking.php Citizens in the major Western duocracies are celebrating imminent victory in their three-year old campaign to impose their self-evidently superior governmental system on Iraq, after it was announced Prince Henry Saxe-Coburg is to be dispatched to the now-troubled country to resolve what some more cynical analysts have referred to as a 'stalemate'. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107606.php Recently-outed ALP figure Maxine McKew has announced she will contest the Federal seat of Bennelong, currently held by erstwhile demi-God and political legend John Winston Howard. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208306omaxine.php Maxine McKew's decision to leave the Australian Broadcasting Corporation and run on the Labor Party ticket against the Prime Minister in his Sydney electorate of Bennelong is all very well and good, except that now she'll have to start taking the injections. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208206colagoodness.php Despite bringing employment and industry to many poorer regions of the world Coca Cola is now under increasing threat from an intransigent and ungrateful third world population. Of course, the truth is, it's all very easy to take a huge, benevolent corporation like CocaCola-Amatil to task. But the truth is nobody is more interested in bringing the pleasant luxuries of the West to impoverished humans in disadvantaged corners of the planet than the goodly executives of Coke. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107506 After five years languishing in Guantanamo Bay, Australian detainee David Hicks has finally taken action in his legal prosecution of the United States, laying charges against the country over alleged military involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq and numerous attempted and actual murders in those countries and others in recent years. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107406 After last week accidentally rejecting the link between global warming and human activity Australian Prime Minister John Howard has committed another verbal faux pas on an environmental theme while meeting with New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clarke in Wellington today, arguing confidently that in the event of a 12-metre global rise in water levels bird species will be 'far, far more enthralled than they've ever been before.' http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208106ouesttintin.php After four long years of the United States' occupation of Iraq and with reports now reaching even the US public of escalating sectarian violence and daily attacks against the occupation forces, many questions remain unanswered and many uncertainties remain. Among them perhaps the most vital foreign policy question - for the West, and for the people of Iraq - ou est Tintin? http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty208006independenceredress.php The US Revolutionary War ended in 1783, since which time the British have appeared unable to gain redress from the upstart colony. But 200 years after French support of American troops led to ignominious defeat for the Empire the United States is committed to continued force extension in Iraq for the foreseeable future. Now a transcript obtained by our intrepid researchers of audio recorded during a recent infraction at a military installation in Maine has shed light on British operations that appear to be the first moves in the second phase of the prematurely named War of Independence. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty207906newhumans.php New humans coming into existence in Australia face additional legislative hurdles following passage of a Bill through Parliament that approves the creation of embryos specifically for scientific research and medical experimentation. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty207206oculubethreat.php The oculube crisis has worsened rapidly in recent days as senior ministers are hastily recalled from a three week House of Representatives recess for a National Security Council meeting to be held in a bunker deep beneath Parliament House in Canberra. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#107206 A malicious disinformation campaign that has successfully displaced other current affairs from front pages in recent days continues to perturb editors and readers alike, with constant media reference to the spurious misinformation generating further media copy http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty207106disinformationone.php Media industry sources say they cannot identify the specific target of an emerging disinformation campaign now making headlines online, in print, and on broadcast media around the world, http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#106906 Despite claims from a visiting US academic that the 'War on Terror' is based on an erroneous misunderstanding of the motivations of Islamic militants, Australian ministers have reassured the public that the long fight against terrorism is neither misguided nor contrived. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty206506digging.php The recent successes of Australia's resource industry have led to a glut of newspaper articles, television segments, and web pages devoted to congratulating executives for their perspicacity and insight in digging stuff out of the ground in order to gratify massive - indeed, seemingly inexhaustible - demand from overseas industrial giants China and India. But the devotion of the media to the wealth flowing to massive corporate entities as a result of digging things out of the ground is in itself representative of a significant problem - not so much an economic problem as a philosophical one. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105706 In a set of bizarre alternate universes that nonetheless share many characteristics with our own, United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan today brought a halt to ongoing bloodshed in Lebanon and Israel with the announcement of solutions to be enforced by the international communities together with infinite immediate ceasefires. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty206406democraticcoincidence.php This brief article concerns a topic that has received little attention in recent times in the papers and journals of this nation, despite its significance and possibly portentious merit -what a wonderful coincidence it is that the only two serious choices Australians have at election time are exactly the two political parties that Australian's consistently prefer to elect. It could be said, on consideration, however that this of this happy circumstance is the lynchpin without which our fair democracy might fly apart, and without which the social contract would seem quite worthless. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105606 There were difficult moments today for the sinister alien being that wears the convenient form of US Secretary of State Condollleeezaaaa Rice, when the evil xenotype was caught for several minutes in the bright sun over Beirut during a photo opportunity taken with Lebanon's Prime Minister Fouad Siniora. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty206306dangerousbalance.php Like mind/body duality and the big bang, the idea of balance in the media is a dangerous concept that can only lead us down a path that ends with the total destruction of Western civilisation. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105406 Perhaps those prominent Israeli citizens who direct the affairs of that State have grown tired of their homes and their environs, and crave a change of scenery, a new climate, or less challenging diplomatic relations. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty206206howitbegins.php The Federal Government's announcement of procedural changes that will hobble the Senate committee system might trouble those luminaries of the Liberal Party concerned not only with an immediate ideological agenda and the dividends of electoral providence but with the long-term future of the Australian Parliament. And the dangerous political decision might at the same time put the people on their guard. http://www.ironyparty.org/pamphlet.htm Sample a selection from the populist and libertarian new CD Jamelot, largely performed by the author of this pamphlet - assorted flamencish and djangoesque with salubrious bottoms and jazzy strains. Old-style traditional funk and mumble performed at Jamelot in the north with Matt and Jules on double bass and banjo. All music played on conventional instruments, then recorded. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105306 The leaking of radioactive material at Sydney's Lucas Heights nuclear reactor earlier this week provided the media with a welcome case in point only days after Prime Minister John Howard announced the Government will inquire into the possible development of nuclear energy on the Australian continent. But the attempts of the anti-nuclear lobby to spin a nightmarish tale from the incident have proved fruitless, with the nuclear accident in actuality nothing more than a red herring. In fact, it has been revealed, the safe radioactive leak was quite safe and well within normal levels. http://www.ironyparty.org/ironyparty204806defencesecretaryspottybug.php At a pleasant soiree in Washington this evening, a bipartisan congregation of Senators, Ambassadors and other luminaries have toasted the newly sworn in US Defence Secretary, Alistair Spottybug. Defence Secretary Spotybug, a tiny insect who until recently lived with his family in Australia, assumes the prominent role at a difficult time, with ongoing problems in the satrapy of Iraq, unrest in Latin America,nukes in Iran, and the embarrassing hi-jinx of al Qa'eda that continue despite massive displays of overwhelming force by the United States. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105206 In a PR coup for the Coalition forces in Iraq, an air strike on a building on the outskirts of Baqouba, the provincial capital of Diyala, has reportedly killed al Qa'eda lieutenant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Several of al-Zarqawi's aides were killed in the sortie, including Sheik Abdul Rahman, the al Qa'eda leader's spiritual advisor. The discovery of women and children's clothing in the wreckage of the multi-storey building in the aftermath of the attack suggests carnage resulting from the Americans' 500-pound bombs was not limited to al Qa'eda militants. http://www.ironyparty.org/pamphlet.htm When we learned irrefutably that Satan has no chin, we began to see him everywhere. Suddenly no-one was safe. We all sensed evil but some appeared to be more susceptible to his influence and quickly succumbed. In the press of the crowd, under the blazing midday sun, in dead night or the long shadows of evening we were on guard but defenceless - it seemed impossible that for so long almost no one had believed in his existence. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105106 At a time when many Australians are in any case switching off their televisions and downloading TV content from the net, the decision by SBS Television to increase the amount of advertising on its airwaves, and to introduce commercial breaks into programming for the first time, appears at best risky, at worst corrupt and salacious. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#105006 With Australian troops now attempting to enforce a kind of crude security in the East Timorese capital Dili, the citizens of that troubled city have exchanged one mode of unpleasantness for another. Many citizens of East Timor were pleased by the arrival of 1300 gun-wielding grunts from the Australian Defence Force, at least according to the Australian Government and media. But dealing with an inane, brutish Australian soldier who is armed and in fear for his or her life and limb is not always a walk in the park. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104906 References in Bin Laden's latest message for his adherents to the West's mistreatment of Hamas following its election as the legitimate Government of the Palestinians indicate the recording was likely made this year, say US authorities. But some now suggest the frightening competence of the al Qa'eda leader, who, unlike the American administration, has proved immensely successful in the manipulation of geo-political affairs in recent years, could hint at an alternate explanation for the ongoing invisibility of the ruthless, elusive hero of millions. If Osama is not alive but dead in some little-publicised incident or accident of recent years, the world faces a still more difficult adversary - a strategic genius capable of minute posthumous manipulation of geopolitical affairs with devastating and deadly effect. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104806 The trauma of the endless violence visited upon the people of Iraq in recent years has been exacerbated by a dysfunctional health system previously neglected during the reign of Saddam Hussein and further damaged by deprivations flowing from a decade of sanctions imposed upon the Iraqi population by the munificennce of the international community. But despite the botched efforts of the Americans to make their new middle eastern territory a free market clone of their own cheerfully society there are some signs of emerging measures for social accountability are now being instituted in medical facilities. Salam Ismael, a founding member of the organisation Doctors for Iraq suggest that health professionals are now making new commitments to patients in their care, under the direction of concerned friends and relatives of unfortunate Iraqis who have suffered injury or fallen ill during the poorly conceived Western occupation of their country. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104706 Some enraged anti-American extremists continue to put the case for an indiscriminate scorched earth policy for all 50 States of the Union, but a more measured approach is in evidence, of late, from the elusive leaders of many of the battalions of a fast-growing, vast and varied anti-American army. In an audio recording made available yesterday to rss feed readers and on internet browsers around the globe, the collective leadership of the dire and determined American foe has issued an edict online promising amnesty and free passage to the host and writers of the single redeeming feature of US culture, the Daily Show hosted by Jon Stewart, in the event of coming large-scale war in an American theatre. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa3rdmay06.php Three years ago when interest rate increases last threatened Australian lifestyles, the Government warned Reserve Bank Governor Ian Macfarlane to stop it if he valued his cojones since there was an election not far off and Macfarlane did. In May 2006 the Reserve Bank has again increased official interest rates, and is again the subject of attack. Except for the resignation of John Anderson, neither the spokesmouths or the issues have altered in the intermediary period. Simon Tennant, for example, is still a cheap trollope working for the Housing Industry. http://www.ironyparty.org/pamphlet.htm The Irony Party of Australia's Electronic Pamphlet has been unkempt and un-updated in recent days, because the authors (well, author) have pre-occupied themselves with the recording of a CD of lucid latter day fumble and munk, with tangible overtones, and interludes of b-grade flamencish bravado. The dearth of new facile ironic text is expected to be remedied in minutes or hours - meanwhile one such interlude - an ironic series of humerous attempted variations on a silly Djangoesque theme, - can be downloaded with the first of the convenient links below. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104506 Some Australian intellectuals and unconventionals are nervous nowadays of what the future might hold for the Antipodean continent. Where assets allow they are arranging for passports from other countries obtainable through dual-citizenship arrangements, and reluctantly making ready for a rapid departure when things become too dangerous at home. Today, though, on ANZAC Day, a national public holiday that is held to remember those who have fallen in Australia's wars, the focus of authorities and the mob was not on the unAustralian, but the most Australian - those heroes prepared to give their lives (though not in a terrorist, suicide bombing sort of way) for the good of Prime Minister and Country. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104406 A soldier described an 'elite sniper' of the Australian Defence Force has died after he was accidentally self-sniped while cleaning his weapon in Baghdad yesterday, according to reports in the mainstream media in Australia. The loss of the expert, capable soldier, who died in hospital not long after accurately shooting himself at close range, has been lamented by the Prime Minister and others. The crack sniper will be sorely missed, and the tragedy is felt by all Australians, at least according to a superficial interpretation of appropriate noises made on radio by figures of significance this morning. Amazingly, the introverted sniper is Australia's first casualty in Iraq, despite three years' operation in the country alongside famously trigger happy, inaccurate, murderous and de-brained United States marines. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104306 Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has unveiled early evidence of success in a revived uranium enrichment programme that some critics of Iran's government say reflects an intention to acquire to develop nuclear weaponry. But in announcing the advance the Iranian President was too polite to draw attention directly to the details of the glaring hypocrisy of the West on issues of nuclear technology and weaponry. http://www.ironyparty.org/anthro.htm For too long the mistreatment, persecution and derision of animals that persists in the advanced cultures of the twenty-first century has gone unmentioned and unnoticed. Now, though one eloquent dog has spoken out about his experiences living as a disenfranchised and often cruelly anthropomorphised 'lesser mammal' in a human-dominated civilisation. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa23rdapr06.php The bungled, illegal, malingering war on Iraq is now an increasing liability for Republicans in upcoming Congressional and presidential elections in the United States, and pressure has been growing on President George W Bush from all sides to retire US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld, who many consider largely responsible for the deadly mess and an embarrassment to a generally incompetent Adminstration. Today the President finally acquiesced, and after Donald Rumsfeld's reluctant resignation this morning, Bush wasted no time in making a public announcement as to the unfortunate war-monger's replacement. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#104106 Despite bringing employment and industry to many poorer regions of the world Coca Cola is now under increasing threat from an intransigent and ungrateful third world population. Of course, the truth is, it's all very easy to take a huge, benevolent corporation like CocaCola-Amatil to task. But the truth is nobody is more interested in bringing the pleasant luxuries of the West to impoverished humans in disadvantaged corners of the planet than the goodly executives of Coke. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa11thapr06.php Sydney-based radio talk show host Alan Jones has been horrified of late, he says, by a slew of horrifying half-verified reports from Iraq that hint at a nightmarish terror lived daily by citizens of the Coalition-occupied country. It's true to say that bringing freedom to Iraq has been more challenging than had initially been conceived. But why are there so few happy stories emerging from the deadly war-zone onto television screens in the West? http://www.ironyparty.org/ipascriptsconsuela.php Post-colonial lambast set in a harsh alien tableau http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa6thapr06.php The United Nations last week increased pressure on Iran to suspend nuclear research activities that some say represent the realisation of Iranian plans for the development of nuclear weapons. A directive from the Security Council of the UN calls for Iran to suspend all uranium enrichment or face possible sanctions. And Security Council members have meanwhile hinted at the prospect of military strikes on nuclear facilities.But the Iranian Government has taken the warning lightly. Vexed American and European diplomats and power-brokers hoping for capitulation in the face of a Western threat of force were instead advised in a media release from Iran's Ambassador to the United Nations that 'Computer says no.' http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103906 Piracy warnings now included on DVDs purchased in the mainstream retail market are designed to warn consumers against the evils and pitfalls of DVD piracy, which is substantially compromising Hollywood profits. But now focus group and phone poll research, commissioned by worried entertainment industry executives indicates the strategy may have backfired. Statistics now leaked to the media indicate many consumers annoyed by the implausible ethical position presented in the garish minute-long warning have been forced to seek out bootleg versions of their favourite movies free of the irritating message. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103806 Muted celebrations of three years of US occupation of Iraq were recently conducted in the occupied country from those bunkers, safehouses, and fortresses still considered secure for American troops, their allies, and turncoat Iraqis loyal to the invader. But in the aftermath of the third anniversary of the shock and awe campaign that brought the US-led occupation forces into the heart of the ancient civilisation, a daring rebel attack in the northern town of Muqdadiya has freed some of those imprisoned by the Occupation forces in a demonstration of the strength of their opposition and given a moment's satisfaction to all those not indisposed to the eventual expulsion of the Western oppressor. http://www.ironyparty.org/pamphlet.htm The latest and newest Batman comic follows the further exploits of Batman engaged at the pointy end of twenty-first century warfare against dastardly terrorists who will stop at nothing to achieve their insane ends.But this time Batman's are not merely the fantastic invention of Hollywood hacks. This time the terrorists are the dangerous militant Islamic organisation Al Qa'eda.But rare footage of the quasi-superhero Batman on a clandestine mission for the Forces of Light deep inside Iraq provides irrefutable evidence of an appalling tragedy that could give succour to the evil enemies of the free and the just. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103706 Champion hurdler Jana Pittman was exultant last night after finishing first in the women's 400 metre hurdles event of the Melbourne Commonwealth Games. The much anticipated race was over in seconds, with eight women leaping over hip-high barriers while running around a track towards a mutually agreed finish line. The whiney Australian athlete started strongly after nervously acknowledging the crowd, then competently cleared the obstacles placed in the runners' path and finished well clear of her adversaries. And later, after a press conference at which Pittman took the time to gloat a little in the direction of her detractors and bask in the adulation of fans, the athlete was mercifully shot dead with a single rifle round through the eye. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103606 Three years after the initial invasion of Iraq by the US-led forces of the Western imperium the country is reportedly teetering on the brink of civil war. In the aftermath of the explosion of the Shrine of the tenth and eleventh Imans a month ago, a significant site for both Shia and Sunni Moslems, there are daily reports of assassination style killings. Mass graves containing dozens of bodies are found in the mornings outside Baghdad after nights of secularist carnage. Beyond a small section of central Baghdad the West's control is fragmented, and deadly traps await US troops and Iraqi authorities on all roads out of the capital city. President George W Bush has marked the three-year anniversary of Iraq's occupation with a speech in which he congratulated troops and generals alike for their work in quickly and effectively rebuilding the ancient country in America's image. http://www.ironyparty.org/pamphlet.htm The Royal visit to the Colonies of The Antipodes for the Opening of the Commonwealth Games has been heralded with pomp and flattery in all the nation's media, and the Queen feted at ceremonial dinners in half of the nation's major cities. But the visit of the Queen to Australia has also revived debate on when the independent State of Australia will shed its monarchic tradition and become a Republic. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed#103506 The sinister creature currently embodied as United States Secretary of State Dr Condollllleeezzza Rice has slipped quietly into Australia under the cover of darkness and the Commonwealth Games to issue new instructions to her Australian minions. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa15thmar06.php International Women's Day was last week celebrated around the world in recognition of equality between genders and the continuing emancipation of women in a world still dogged by prejudice and bigotry. Some have called for increased representation by women in parliaments still dominated by male politicians, and for larger numbers of women to take up executive positions and appointments to corporate boards. But others have congratulated women for their moral resolve in avoiding the rank corruption, exploitation and self-serving rapacious bastardry associated with over-paid corporate positions and common among the elected representatives of the State. http://www.ironyparty.org/pamphlet.htm#alienworlds News NASA's latest unmanned probe has arrived in a Mars orbit has excited astronomers, who expect some of the best pictures of the surface of an alien planet to be returned to Earth later in the year, afforded by the hi-tech instruments installed in the spacecraft. Now, though, in an unprecedented coup, the Irony Party of Australia has obtained pictures of alien worlds beyond even the wildest dreams of the US-based Space Agency. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa8thmar06.php Appearing on the Government television network the Australian Broadcasting Corporation tonight, Federal Police Commissioner Mick Keelty has proposed a programme for the deprogramming and reprogramming of political radicals, particularly (and at first) where those dangerous idealists pose some manner of immediate threat to the Australian State. Following models now in place in the United States and Indonesia, Keelty suggested compulsory reprogramming programmes could reduce the risk to Australian interests from militants, dissidents, and ideologues. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103306 The idea that some land mammals could possess a kind of rudimentary sentience is a theory long ridiculed by researchers and zoologists. Now, though, a breakthrough has been reported from Vancouver in Canada, where experimenting Beluga whales have reportedly managed to provoke an animated response from some quasi-intelligent monkeys simply by blowing air bubbles through the water in basic geometric configurations. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103206 After a period in which some of the worst excesses of Western culture was granted relative latitude in Iran, Iranian President Ahmadi-Nejad Iranian has announced a renewed ban on damaging, decadent Western music on all public radio and television networks. Now, some in the West have responded to the cultural restrictions with tacit approval. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103106 As Prime Minister John Howard's triumphal procession wends it's way through the cities and towns of Australia, the benevolent Leader, who this week celebrates a glorious decade of Coalition power on the Antipodean continent, has seen fit to extend his munificence to the commons. http://www.ironyparty.org/Honxqp2.htm Are you and your loved ones prepared for the event of a local outbreak of Honxqp in your town or region? The likelihood that a vaccine for the particular strain of Honxqp affecting your community can be produced in time to address the initial wave of sickness in your area is, unfortunately, slim. Don't wait until something strange and terrible happens in the home of your little ones. Act now to prevent the spread of the infestation of the sinister Honxqp. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#103006 On the eve of a visit to Pakistan by United States President George W Bush, Pakistan's military leader General Pervez Musharraf, has spoken of the serious threats facing the world in coming decades and the need for mature foreign policy and strong allegiances between in order to address these significant problems. But with the world's most powerful and belligerent leader about to arrive on his doorstep, Musharraf has been selective in his global risk analysis, treading cautiously around the delicate prevailing geo-political situation by ignoring the large, rampaging elephant in the room. http://www.ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102906 Speaking at a celebration of the tenth anniversary of the beginning of his regime Prime Minister John Howard has tonight warned of a new danger facing Australians that is even now undermining the continued peaceful existence of communities and homes across the country and rapidly destroying the public's peace of mind. Australia's tonight advised the people terrifying 'Zones of Chaos' are now in evidence in some Australian homes and communities, particularly those susceptible to the phenomenon as a result of unemployment (the fault of individuals and the previous Labor government, health problems (that Labor state governments and individuals have failed to address), and the dangerous relativistic education provided by modern post-modern teachers. http://ironyparty.org/ipa24thfeb06.php With Iraq on the brink of a sectarian civil war following this week's bombing of the Shrine of the Hidden Imam in Samara, sinister Mossad operatives, smooth talking MI6 spooks, and CIA chiefs in the United States are today annoyed and sour-faced, wearing expressions of mild distaste and indulging in petulant displays of irritation that drive underlings into abject humiliation and only contribute in a small way to repairing damaged pride. After at least 1300 deaths resulting from retaliatory attacks in the days since the bombing, foreign leaders and military commanders are clearly angry at the hidden perpetrators, not least because the timely bombing has disrupted CIA, Mossad, and MI6 nation-building plans for Iraq that included an identical explosion in Samarra aimed at diverting attention from the Coalition's role in the recent misfortunes of the once great Arab nation. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102806 Faced with the daunting prospect of electoral success in the upcoming Tasmanian State election the local Greens have already begun practising an unfamiliar pragmatism, reversing their liberal policies on the decriminalisation of marijuana for personal use. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102706 Infamous historian David Irving appeared surprised as he was sentenced in Austria today to three years imprisonment for the crime of Holocaust denial. During the one day trial the controversial academic was taken to task over comments made in Austria in 1989, when Irving refuted the extent of the Jewish Holocaust of the 1940s despite overwhelming evidence millions of people were put to death in mass slaughter facilities at the order of the German National Socialist regime. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102606 One of 12 Danish cartoonists embroiled in controversy over the publication of caricatures of the Prophet Mahommed has spoken to the media about the unexpected global reaction to the blasphemous pictures, admitting that on balance he might hesitate before submitting his depiction of Mohammed to newspaper Jyllands-Posten if, with the benefit of hindsight, he had the time over again. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102506 A spokesman for the US State Department has described the broadcast of newly leaked pictures of the mistreatment of prisoners held by the Coalition in Iraq by as 'unnecessarily provocative and irresponsible', suggesting the screening of images of horrific abuse could create an impression the world's only superpower is less than scrupulously and fanatically fair and humane in its handling and interrogation of prisoners captured by necessity in the course of the Global War on Terror. http://ironyparty.org/ipa16thfeb06.php While US Vice-President Dick Cheney is being praised for the quick thinking and finely-honed reflexes that automatically swung into play during an emergency at a recent quail hunt, elsewhere in the world the Veep's gun-slinging exploits have been pushed from television screens and web by reports on the adventures of pin-up crack shot insurgent sniper Juba, a quasi-mythical quail hunter thought to be responsible for capturing at least four dozen brace of exotic game in recent years in Iraq. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102406 Remember when getting hold of the works of a favourite musician meant going into a 'shop' in a 'mall' and handing over money for a small factory-manufactured disc? http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102206 In an ironic reversal of fortune a Victorian police officer has been shot in the leg during an altercation with a member of the public in the Melbourne suburb of Sydenham on Sunday. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102106 There have been a flurry of statements last night and this morning from Government politicians wishing to distance themselves from a contribution made by the Member for Hunter Danna Vale on the controversial debate over the approval of the chemical termination drug RU486, while asserting that Ms Vale is a charming and delightful woman without a xenophobic bone in her body. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102306 Four children from a malevolent Gypsy family are today recovering in hospital after a prompt and overwhelming missile attack that left two women, the masterminds of the family, dead. After Coalition troops stationed near the Afghani-Pakistan border were fired upon last weekend, there was quick retaliation.from the superb forces of Freedom against the devastating destructive potential of impoverished nomads eking out an existence in tent villages in the region after a series of natural and human-made disasters. http://ironyparty.org/ipa13thfeb06.php Former Veterans' Affairs Minister and Liberal Member of Parliament for the electorate of Hunter Danna Sue Vale, has today taken a characteristically unequivocal position on ongoing debate in Australia on the termination of pregnancy.But while most of those commentating on the issue have restrained themselves to consideration of the immediate implications of abortion for the woman ,Ms Vale has taken the long view, warning that by dint of reproduction alone fertile Moslem citizens could make Australia an Islamic nation within fifty years, if we other Australians continue to abort ourselves almost out of existence. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#102006 Shortcomings with military equipment and issues with Defence Force apparel made public in Australia several days ago are humiliating for Diggers serving in fashion-conscious foreign countries, but have for some months been providing a comical contrast for Arab warriors usually occupied with the serious business of bleeding the resources of the invader. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101906 In the wake of world-wide riots, unrest and violence over the publication of cartoons that represent an insult to Islam, US President George W Bush yesterday spoke from his Washington pulpit in a message screened on prominent television networks in the Arab world in order that gentle chiding and calming words of peace and optimism from the powerful American leader might bring controversy over the publication in a Danish newspaper of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed to an end. http://ironyparty.org/ipa10thfeb06.php A statement made by US President George W Bush yesterday from his Washington pulpit and screened on prominent television network in the Arab world in order that gentle chiding and calming words of peace and optimism from the powerful American leader might bring controversy over the publication in a Danish newspaper of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed to an end. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101306 In the absence of any genuine patriotic or community sentiment in Sydney, a city defined by a heady, rapacious spirit of mutual exploitation, children will in future be forced instead to perform a daily simulation of loyalty as part of the regular curriculum, with the mandatory singing of the national anthem in schools throughout the State. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101806 A breakthrough in the United States in the development of a radical new vaccine for avian influenza has re-ignited confidence in the pandemic disease industry and reassured executives perturbed the disease could prove an expensive white elephant with no profit potential. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101706 After US television network ABC learned yesterday that news anchor Bob Woodruff has been seriously injured in a roadside bombing in Iraq, executives, colleagues, and crew at the station were momentarily concerned and alarmed. http://ironyparty.org/ipa27thjan06 The militant Hamas political movement has been successful in a general election in the Palestinian quarter of the disputed region of Israel with news the ruling Fatah Faction, formerly headed by Palestinian luminary Yasser Arafat, has conceded defeat. Minutes ago, incumbent Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qorei announced he would resign his position in the face of electoral defeat, and said Hamas would be invited to form a new Palestinian Government. http://ironyparty.org/ipa26thjan06 The irony in the surreptitious raid on a Melbourne art gallery and the removal of a work depicting a burnt national flag may be lost on those surreptitious Victorian policefolk that undertook the intrepid mission, the censorious, jowly politicians that likely ordered it's removal, and the sad, brittle State-loving citizens that took it upon themselves to make the necessary initial complaint. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101606 As part of the celebration of Australia Day, or Invasion Day, as the 26th of January is also known, the annual ceremonial and symbolic slitting of the throat of Whitey will be conducted on the steps of Parliament house to festive music and wild applause. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed#101506 On this the 26th of January 2006 many Australians will today reach for the traditional fare in celebration of the country's national day, breaking the fast this morning with the time-honoured vegemite on toast. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed#101406 In a surprise announcement yesterday the ACT Chief Minister unveiled new measures which will see humans permanently vacate the Territory as a part of a cost-cutting programme sparked by tight budgetary conditions. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipa30thdec05.php After Australian private health funds today unveiled their proposal for a five to seven per cent increase in the cost of private health insurance premiums the Federal Government promised the new deal would be heavily scrutinised before it is approved with a small face-saving reduction in the New Year. http://ironyparty.org/ironysedition.htm Attorney-General Philip Ruddock suggests new sedition provisions passed through the Australian Parliament will not affect those who openly state their belief that the so-called and ongoing liberation of Iraq was actually an illegal invasion. However, this morning on Channel Nine's Today programme the Attorney-General was at pains to explain that those that vocally support the use of force or violence against Australian institutions, including the Australian Defence Force, could indeed prove to be in breach of the new laws. http://ironyparty.org/ipa23rdjan06.htm Despite a substantial increase in petrol prices in recent weeks, the people have been subdued in their response. This calm acceptance indicates the oil conglomerates, together with Ministers and their experts in public relations have tamed and successfully sedated the Australian population. Quiet acceptance of the financial burden contrasts sharply with endless complaints heard only months ago, when petrol prices rose suddenly to $1.30 a litre, ostensibly on the back of a bad hurricane season for the United States and More Trouble in Iraq. http://ironyparty.org/ipa10apr05.htm For some time frustrated accountants, administrators, clerks, copywriters, and data entry workers have been calling for a solution to human unfriendly sites of employment. Now an answer may be in sight, with the announcement of the development of a fuckable database designed to relieve office tensions and promote improved workplace synergies. http://ironyparty.org/ipa7thjan06.htm Anti-smoking campaigners may consider withdrawing a new advertising campaign promoting a medical study on the effects of tasteless low-tar cigarets after concerns were expressed the study itself could prove to have adverse implications, ironically reinvigorating the interest of heavy smokers in the delicious, sophisticated habit and reassuring them of their prospects of longevity and excellent health. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101206 The amazing Legoboy, who has compassionately been given an autocue reading job on Sky News Television by a magnanimous consortium comprising Australian television networks and global media giant News Corporation, this morning managed to sit up straight and read his autocue for hours in a thin, reedy voice, and everybody at the network is just terribly, terribly, pleased. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#101106 Photographers who sprayed Heath Ledger with water at the film premiere for the controversial Hollywood movie Brokeback Mountain have defended their actions after they were widely criticised by many involved in the symbiotic celebrity industry. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100906 A Department of Foreign Affairs spokesman has described the violation of the face of Foreign Minister Alexander Downer on national television this morning as 'disgraceful' and 'seditious', and warned of serious repercussions for those interfering with the heads of senior Government figures, electronically or otherwise. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100806 The Irony Party of Australia's new Ironic Time Capsule Project, which will see audio recordings left for descendents of current humans living 100 years in the future, has been applauded by community and environment groups and welcomed by museums and heritage organisations as an important work of historical documentation. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100706 Media reports of the death of a 21-year-old woman at Stradbroke Island as a result of an attack by several bull-sharks have begun the annual debate held in Australia on the proper response to the growing threat posed by sharks. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100606 The Hollywood film Brokeback Mountain will not be screened at some cinemas in Washington State and in Salt Lake City in the United States' bible belt, raising concerns about censorship and the resurgence of overt prejudice among civil libertarians in the United States. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100506 To the English speaker it is unknown exactly what a report on Microsoft and chairman Bill Gates on a French news bulletin on SBS television yesterday morning was about. What was clear, however, without any need for French language comprehension, was the contempt, disgust, and disdain evident from newsreader, reporter, and anyone involved for the subjects of the story on the US software corporation. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100406 In news just to hand Israeli President Ariel Sharon has this morning reportedly suffered a brain haemhorrhage and been admitted to hospital for urgent treatment.Senior figures within the Knesset have warned any further explosions within the ailing Prime Minister's skull will result in immediate retribution, with Israeli forces standing ready to launch helicopter gunship and missile attacks. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100306 Today is the worst day of International Coal Group president Ben Hatfield's life. The deaths of 12 miners at a facility owned by ICG,which was initially misreported, could see legal action brought against the corporation and executive bonuses reduced for the 2005-06 financial year. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm#100206 Reports the Australian Government will reduce by half an order for joint fighter-bomber aircraft has raised concerns about Australia's ability to properly resource its Defence Force. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed#100106 With some bleating westerners now awash in floods in Los Angeles and San Francisco, fires, and freakishly cold conditions taking hold in Europe, shrill squeaks and cries can be heard from Western scientists who argue industrialisation is the cause of a wide range of uncomfortable conditions through the phenomenon of global warming caused by increased Greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm Following the surprisingly honourable death of mogul Kerry Packer on Monday night there were concerns the share price of Packer's Publishing and Broadcasting Limited would fall sharply when the Australian Stock Exchange reopened after the Christmas break yesterday. http://ironyparty.org/ipa23rddecember2005.htm An Australian study commissioned as part of a Government-inspired Australia wide psychosis in a time of high nationalism, paranoia and loathing has found linguistic traits could indicate the traitorous allegiance of high-placed Australians to a dangerous foreign power. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed Now at the Irony Party of Australia daily news updates on unfolding events from around the world. Enjoy up-to-the minute disaster, mayhem and carnage as the world is brought kicking and screaming to account on the Irony Party Electronic Pamphlet's sterling News in Brief page. http://ironyparty.org/ipa28sept05.htm Education vandal and Minister Dr Brendan Nelson has begun an ideological jihad through schools across Australia, insisting on a return to nineteenth century texts and regular savage beatings. http://ironyparty.org/ipa29sept05.htm An agreement on new counter-terrorism measures by the Australian Commonwealth and state and territory governments will see totalitarian instruments of control and detention introduced across the country in order to prevent future opposition to counter-terrorism measures. http://ironyparty.org/ipa27may05.htm Twenty-seven year old Australian Schapelle Corby was today sentenced in a Bali courtroom to 20 years in prison for the export of marijuana into Indonesia, leaving her family in shock, and many Australians calling for the raising of a posse. http://ironyparty.org/ipa18may05.htm Billions of concerned humans around the world are tonight considering what might have been, with revelations a grenade tossed idly at Untied States President George W Bush last Wednesday in a moment of irritation by a Georgian passer-by only failed to detonate because of mechanical failure. http://ironyparty.org/ipa17apr05.htm The Australian Government reserves the right to insult foreign leaders, and will not apologise for the policy, according to Foreign Minister Alexander Downer, despite strident criticism from Papua Niugini's Prime Minister Sir Michael Somare after he was forced to remove his shoes at Brisbane Airport for a security check http://ironyparty.org/ipa12apr05.htm Horrifying reports of the sexual abuse of young children in child-care centres catering to tourists in Bali have led to demands for Australian Government action to publicise the threat and prevent similar occurrences in future. But Foreign Minister Alexander Downer today cautioned against pushing for wide-ranging investigation of overseas child-care centres by DFAT officials, suggesting such a policy might ultimately prove counter-productive. http://ironyparty.org/IPAarchive.htm Queensland police claim a misunderstood simile is to blame for their inability to locate a large hunting knife after a 29-year-old Gold Coast resident was last night fatally shot by an industrious and deadly accurate officer of the law. http://ironyparty.org/ipa24feb05.htm Vicious elitist neofascist columnist and Murdoch hack Janet Albrechtsen has been appointed to the ABC board, leaving the Government open to criticism it has abandoned covert attacks on the capable public broadcasting network and instead resorted to the throwing of grenades. http://ironyparty.org/IPA02feb05.htm In the wake of revelations an Australian resident suffering from schizophrenia has been accidentally held in immigration detention for the last 10 months, Immigration Minister Senator Amanda Vanstone yesterday announced an opaque inquiry will be conducted into the unfortunate mis-gaoling http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htm Following the Federal Government's decision to ban universities from charging fees to students for services such as legal aid, health, food subsidisation, and counselling, Vice-chancellors have fwof-fwoffed, and taken a meeting at which (the minutes show) they declared themselves unanimously grumpy. http://ironyparty.org/newsfeed.htmdarkness The recent speeches of US President George W Bush, at his inauguration and in making the 2005 State of the Union address, bear an uncanny resemblance to a century-old speech given by that other great American, and head of the anti-imperialist league, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) http://ironyparty.org/ipa07dec04.htm A survey conducted by survey conductors Hun and Backdoor has found eighty percent of Australians are in full support of global free trade, and advocate a transition to a single global currency by the year 2020. http://ironyparty.org/IPA02aug02.htm A study commissioned by US-based entertainment giant Disney has found television has positive effects on children, despite all evidence to the contrary. http://ironyparty.org/ipa08nov04.htm In a bold new step for Iraqi democracy Interim Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi has declared martial law across the country for the good of all citizens for a period of 60 days. A spokesman said the interim Prime Minister would announce details of the state of emergency in the morning, once he's had time to consider exactly which powers he would prefer. http://ironyparty.org/IPAscrhistwar.htm At last, setting aside the bickering and histrionics, the Irony Party of Australia presents serious analysis of the difficult controversy over Australia's recent brutal (or picturesque) past. http://www.ironyparty.org/ipaarchive2004.htm In the wake of the recent Australian federal election post-election analysis has revealed one great and glaring error: things could have been different if only the ALP had elected as its leader the one politician on its benches who to some extent resembles Yoda, the famous Jedi master. http://ironyparty.org/ipaslutgay.htm The Irony Party of Australia congratulates Gunns Tasmania's managing director John Gay, the recipient of the prestigious Irony Party Corporate Slut of the Month Award for the month of December 2004. http://ironyparty.org/ipaarchive2004.htm Suspending irony momentarily the IPA extends all sympathy and solidarity to the people of Fallujah, civilians and independence fighters currently on the deadly front line of the American imperial advance. http://ironyparty.org/ipa28jan05.php After careful scrutiny and investigation over a period of three years,the most innocent man in the United States has finally been identified. http://ironyparty.org/ipa05nov04.htm The Australian Government's defence strategy as it currently stands is superficially uncomplicated. Overtly, of course, the policy is fawning obeisance to the United States. But in the wake of Bush's re-election, there is evidence emerging the Government are already stockpiling weapons in preparation for an attack on the United States, even as they schmooze ambassadors and publicly compliment the bold initiateevs of their US counterparts in ever more flowery prose http://ironyparty.org/IPA07sep03.htm Research indicates global music piracy has fallen to new lows, with a significant proportion of all music now obtained through direct download from the Internet or purchases in countries where Western corporate pirates have less control