The Irony Party of Australia
Encephalatronicalogical Pamphlet
April 11th 2006
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Relieved Iraqis Now Safe From Harm
Iraqis celebrate the third anniversary of the Western reconquest of their country
Sydney-based radio talk show host Alan Jones (pictured below with Karl Zinsmeister) has been horrified of late, he says, by a slew of horrifying half-verified reports from Iraq that hint at a nightmarish terror lived daily by citizens of the Coalition-occupied country. Reports of daily carnage, death squads, and continued deprivation for the Iraqi people have recently been augmented with speculation that the ongoing Troubles in Iraq has developed into a civil war between religious factions resourced by various and sundry interested foreign powers:
'Iraq has actually been in an undeclared civil war for the past 12 months' - Deputy Interior Minister Hussein Ali Kamal, quoted speaking on BBC Arabic in The Hindu 10th April 2006
In the wake of this litany of disaster, Jones is distressed. And Jones is only too aware of the machines of mythic invention swinging into action every time a whiff of disaster is sensed by media hounds, and of the lies and disinformation being foisted onto an unsuspecting public by the agents of anarchy and blind dissent.
The reality is that biased and profoundly anti-American, anti-Western, Bolshevik media organisations -News Corporation, Fairfax et cetera - have led many Australians astray: three years after the United States led invasion of Iraq newspapers and television networks continue to place regular reports of carnage from Baghdad and surrounding ancient cities near the head of the news, while ignoring evidence of real progress made by the US military and new Iraqi leaders in in bringing peace and amenity to the lives of the Iraqi people. Coupled with dangerous speculation on civil war indulged in even by some of Iraq's new Government representatives, media organisations present an overwhelmingly negative representation of events that can only be detrimental to the reputation of high civilisation, and only of use, in the final analysis, to the insidious, fanatical, terrorist forces now ranged against the West.
It's true to say that bringing freedom to Iraq has been more challenging than had initially been conceived. But why are there so few happy stories emerging from the deadly war-zone onto television screens in the West? A part of the explanation is that a dangerous majority of journalists subscribe to essentially critical ideologies that engender a determined pessimism concerning even the most benevolent and civilised of global interests.
The result is that what appears on TV screens and in newspaper pages as coverage of an appalling conflict is in reality appalling coverage of the determined rebuilding of a country from the outside in. And while Western cameras focus on explosions, bullet-holes, and promoting a morbid fascination with those Iraqis that have died, the truth is that many more Iraqi men, women, and children remain alive. And Jones knows from the few reliable sources remaining on the ground inside the troubled former dictatorship that were he to travel from his comfy Sydney surrounds to the war-torn country under the able protection of the United States, The Coalition of the Willing, and the proud new Iraqi authorities, the truth is that notwithstanding the occasional scimitar-waving fanatic and explosion in the marketplace that supply cities like Baghdad with local colour for the jaded and discerning tourist, he would find a relieved Iraqi population now safe from harm.
Determined to single-handedly balance the torrent of misinformation flowing from all Western media channels, the 2GB presenter and ageing queen has taken from time to time to using his regular spot on Channel Nine's breakfast television programme Today to redress the mistreatment of truth and the West at the hands of a sensational, naysaying, pseudo-quasi-anti-capitalist, anarcho-Leninist freedom-hating, hate-loving Australian press.
Last week, as the third anniversary of the American liberation of Iraq was celebrated by GIs and American generals and Satraps deep in holes underground, Jones mused on the problem of disinformation from the country, and thoughtfully and expertly deconstructed the issue for his nation-wide audience: 'There are always reports of people blowing one another up,' the concerned Sydney shock-jock pointed out, 'but never the other side.'
To avoid being affected himself by the misinformation now rampant across the world, Jones enjoys carefully selected Internet organs penned by the few and penetrating embedded journalists prepared to put the real story of Iraq's liberation to paper. In so doing, the keen attention of the Jones had been drawn to the latest work of intrepid US reporter Hans Zinsmeister, an enlightened and profoundly erudite and talented young freelance writer responsible for important and profound pieces of journalism such as the sterling June 2005 article The War is Over and We Won
Pudgy radio presenter Alan Jones with think-tank hack Karl Zinsmeister
Zinsmeister's upstanding career has been as neo-conservative as it has short. Disdaining the usual journalistic course of writing unbiased copy for newspapers, Zinsmeister put his Yale education into effect working for the think tank the American Enterprise Institute. From this position he writes for American Enterprise, a Washington-based magazine founded and edited by Zinsmeister himself. Jones did not detail the methodologies of the American prodigy in reporting on Iraq in recent years, but from the timbre of his writings it can be easily imagined he ranged freely across the country-side, living off the land and defending himself only by virtue of sling-shot and a revolver from the insurgents and the Mujehidin, while communing with the majority of terrified Iraqis who, he discovered, have always abhorred the notion of taking up arms against a benevolent invader.
However, on his fourth and most recent visit to Iraq Zinsmeister has found the locals largely free of the violence that in 2003 met the arrival of US-style freedom in the Middle East. And while a few incidents of slaughter and mayhem continue to feature in reportage from cynical, alcohol-sodden, depressed Western refugees of the socialist era reporting from Baghdad hotel rooms, Zinsmeister is determined to share the truth in the extraordinary survey of Iraq he has taken it upon himself to conduct. The result is his latest effort
Facts vs. Fiction: A Report from the Front
During his most recent trip into the wilds of Iraq, Zinsmeister, perhaps after receiving a tip-off from an informant, made an amazing find. By virtue of his deep infiltration of Iraqi social and political organisations and expert managed to come into the possession of new statistics produces by the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund, subsequently quoted by Jones for the benefit of his commercial television audience. As Jones noted on his Today programme slot, the statistics from the World Bank and the IMF indicate that since the US-led invasion of the country Iraqi per capita income has risen, the number of registered cars has doubled, cell phone ownership has increased, as have purchases of consumer goods. There are now reportedly more than 100 newspapers, and 61 per cent of Iraqis surveyed say security where they live is now good.'
Claims of escalating numbers of US casualties from the sour foreign affairs correspondents who predicted disaster in Iraq, and are now insistent that their spurious version of reality has come to pass, are also sheer nonsense, as many thousands of American men and women who are parents, siblings spouses and partners of American soldiers in Iraq who have not died can testify. In fact the numbers of people in the United States who have received bad news concerning loved ones caught up personally in the war in Iraq has remained refreshingly consistent, and compares very favourably with other much more bloody conflicts: 'In the last ten months of 2003, Iraq hostilities claimed 324 U.S. service members. In 2004, 710 were lost. In 2005, total fatalities were 712. Troops wounded in action are down from 7,920 in 2004 to 5,961 in 2005.'
The IMF and World Bank statistics carry good news that will no doubt be welcomed by all Iraqis. 'Economic losses are also moderating,' says Zinsmeister. Admittedly sanctions had had a minor impact on the Iraqi economy prior to the, somewhat suppressing the 'before' numbers . But the figure are clear, and the indicators irrefutable: 'Iraq's gross domestic product will grow 17 percent in 2006 after inflation.' And that figure, taken by itself, without any of the many extenuating factors, is impressive, relative to even the most successful economies in the world. Zinsmeister goes on to creatively suggest that 'attacks carried out on oil and gas facilities in Iraq can serve as an indicator' of this economic progress. And 'there were 146 such attacks in 2004, versus 101 in 2005.'
In accordance with another great marker of modern civilisation - the mobile telephone - Iraq is being brought ought of the dark age of untraceable face-to-face communication, and is apparently providing a small fortune for formerly wealthy locals and a pleasurably upward blip for the shareholders of multinational telecommunications conglomerates. Cell phone ownership has jumped from 6 percent in early 2004 to over 65 percent today,' says the triumphant Zinsmeister.
Of course, it is understood the job of implementing the social and business networks essential to making Iraq a modern neo-liberal democracy with the sort of stable, peaceful enjoyed, for example, in the United States, (where there are only 30,000 or so killings annually) is far from complete. Some Iraqis complain that despite the entreprenurial spirit of generous US-approved corporations operating in Iraq, as things stand you can call some people sometimes, but you can't call all the people all the time.
The American Enterprise editor reports another trend that should give hope to all those who love freedom and good order. In December 2005, Iraqis filed a record number of tips informing on insurgents. As Zinsmeister declares, the promising phenomenon is revelatory of 'growing political and social cooperation' from Iraqis.
Meanwhile, the numbers of those deadly fanatics employing indiscriminate violence in waging an objectionable campaign against the benevolent invader who have been 'incarcerated or destroyed' has climbed, making Iraqis who comply with the United States military and the West-friendly safer than ever before. In 2004 24,470 vicious terrorists were killed or detained in Iraq, Zinsmeister reveals. In 2005 the number was 26,500.
Other statistics give hope to those frustrated souls operating Iraq's fledgling Tourism Bureau. Zinsmeister writes ingeniously that despite the high media profile given to a few unfortunate kidnapping incidents, the 'Deaths of foreign civilians in Iraq have 'tumbled' in the past few years (from 196, apparently, in 2004, to 104 in 2005).
Not only are Iraqis by and large content to telephone one another of a morning rather than wage Jihad against the infidel invader, Zinsmeister reports that the proud square-jawed soldiers of the United States are more than happy to continue the fulfilling work of forcibly liberating the Iraqi people from themselves.
'Re-enlistment totals in the active Army over the last three years are more than 6 percent above targets. Over a third of Army re-enlistments, reports Zinsmeister, now take place in combat zones. '
In separating fact from fiction in Iraq Zinsmeister draws not just on the International Monetary Fund and World Bank reportobtained from the dusty back-streets of Baghdad, but on the extraordinary notes he has written while embedded in Marines during the recent years of war. In a poignant note he records that whenever he sees American military personnel going about their dangerous, brutal, dehumanising and extremely violent work, they conduct themselves with 'startling care and commitment.' Zinsmeister recalls inspirational interviews with troops that represent the best of humanity - people prepared to travel half-way around the world without a thought for themselves in order to kill, maim, and torture a foreign population in the name of freedom for everyone everywhere:
'Take, for instance, Staff Sergeant Jamie McIntyre of Queens, New York, who recently had this to say: 'I look at faces and see fellow human beings, and I say, O.K. This is the sacrifice I have to make to bring them freedom. That's why I joined the military. Not for the college money, for doing what's right. Fighting under our flag. That's what our flag stands for. I believe in that stuff. Yeah, we might lose American soldiers, but they are going to lose a society, lose a people. You've got to look at the bigger picture. I've lost friends, and it hurts. It definitely hurts. But that's even more reason why I say stay. It's something that has to be done. If we don't do it, who will?
Alan Jones quoted Karl Zinsmeister extensively - gratefully - throughout his breakfast appearance on Channel Nine, clearly delighted to have found a young man of clear mind and distinctive literary touch coming to the defence of the free world in the face of a slew of biased critiques of the Western efforts in the liberating of Iraqis from the gutter press.
Of course, Jones and Zinsmeister agree, there remains much to be done, if Iraqis are one day to enjoy the privileged, comfortable, and secure lifestyle now ubiquitous in the United States. 'Defanging the Middle East is a vast undertaking.' says Zinsmeister in his revealing online report. And it must be appreciated that 'wars have never been easy or antiseptic.' Besides, argues the think tank hack 'Only in 20/20 hindsight have our wars been reinterpreted as righteous and widely supported by a unified nation. And therefore, he reasons, 'there's no reason to think of the Iraq war as more unpopular than any other U.S. war.'
Zinsmeister points out that Iraq - a nation previously gripped by a repressive dictatorial regime - has for decades laboured under the rigours of tyranny and brutal oppression. But now, by virtue of the radical change of fortune brought about by the US-led intervention, the millennia-old land of the first civilisations of the Ancient World and former capital of the great Islamic Empire, must learn to cope with the 'normal problems' that afflict a 'creaky third world nation.' Progress of this order must be a relief for long-suffering Iraqis now secure and safe from harm three years after the invasion of the West. But this progress would remain unknown to the audiences of 2GB, of Channel Nine, without the balancing contributions of the sterling Jones and his NeoCon freshman Zinsmeister, who serve to ease the confusion of a public misinformed by a steady tide of reports from disappointed left-wing journos fixated on isolated incidents and anomalous events that obscure a true picture of modern, liberated Iraq.
