The Irony Party of Australia
Encephalatronicalogical Pamphlet
June 16th 2006
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Safe Radiation Safely Leaks at Lucas Heights
Nuclear experts like the good Dr George Collins from Lucas Heights and other well-researched fellows from the reassuring Australian Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation have given assurances the health of workers at the medical nuclear facility has not been endangered with only very slight, very safe contamination affecting one technician, who was washed and later went home safe, whistling, and unconcerned and thinking 'ah, another pleasant day at the nuclear research facility'.
And while small amounts of xenon and krypton were released through the reactor's stack into the Sutherland Shire south of Sydney these emissions were not of a dangerous variety and were within safe levels, or at least were within the limit of permissible exceedences, which is much the same thing. ANSTO says the cause of the uninjurious accident is a mystery, but that the mystery does not entail dangerous possibilities. Although some fuel cells used to make cancer treatments have been shut down during an investigation of the incident, as already stated, everything is perfectly alright, and there is no real cause for concern.
Fresh reports that emerged last night of three additional incidents of contamination at the reactor, all occurring in the past week, are likewise of no concern for the public. Instead, the reports demonstrate just how normal and non-threatening insignificant leaks of radioactive material at safe levels can be, as well as the willingness of the scientists at the Lucas Heights medical research reactor to open their work up to public scrutiny. While two workers were contaminated in another benign leak at the reactor site yesterday, ANSTO has reiterated there is no more cause for concern now than when the initial leak was reported, which is no cause at all.
Despite the obvious and overwhelming rational, scientific evidence that nothing is wrong, the new reports have done nothing to quell the insane and public babbling of hysterical luddites still possessed of a kind of medieval horror of advanced and very stable benevolent modern nuclear technologies.Inevitably in the wake of the four tiny mishaps of the last seven days some of these indefatigable and overwrought humanists now claim to have identified a pattern of incompetence at Australia's only nuclear facility that might be expected to permeate any future nuclear energy industry on the continent, leading inevitably, of course, in their fragmented minds, to a terrifying and all-consuming nuclear holocaust of the sort presented in silly anti-scientific movies, and conjured up by irrational naysayers and under-informed technophobes in their desperate and foolhardy bid to stop technological progress dead in its tracks.
