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Fuck with the British, Sir, At Your Peril
The US War of Independence ended in 1783, since which time the British have appeared unable to gain redress from the upstart colony. But 200 years after French support of American troops led to ignominious defeat for the Empire the United States is committed to continued force extension in Iraq for the foreseeable future, and to the maintenance of bases around the world. The stalling of plans of the former Defence Minister Donald Rumsfeld for the creation of a more agile and flexible US army, navy and airforce means the world's largest military machine remains occupied in shoring up its dominance and the geopolitical status quo. And now, with the American capability stretched thin, and distanced from their former European allies there are indications the patient British are moving to obtain satisfaction from the trumped up colonials and restore proper balance to the world.
Evidence of the hostile operations of the surreptitious and effective British military against the overgrown US equivalent remains scant. But a transcript obtained by our intrepid researchers of audio recorded during a recent infraction at a military installation in Maine has shed light on British operations that appear to be the first moves in the second phase of the prematurely named War of Independence.
FX: FOOSTEPS. DOOR SLAMS, GUNFIRE MUFFLED SLIGHTLY.
Grunt 2: Where is it?
Grunt 1: Right there.
Grunt 2: That's it? The keyhole.
Grunt 1: Yes. Key?
Grunt 2: And the whole place just goes up?
Grunt 1: Yes. Key!
Grunt 2: Alright. Alright. Wait.
FX: GUNFIRE CLOSER IN BACKGROUND. DISTANT SHOUTING.
Grunt 1: What? Give me the key, quit stalling.
Grunt 2: What, that's it?
Grunt 1: What? Come on, you fuck.
Grunt 2: No, I mean.. there isn't any other... I mean.. we dont even know who they ARE - we don't know anything..
FX: BULLET SHATTERS GLASS NEARBY. THREE SHORT BURSTS, EACH FOLLOWED BY A SCREAM. FOOTSTEPS OF MANY.
Grunt 1: We know enough - there's two of us, four transports full of them, they're well armed and..
FX: GUNFIRE. THUD AND GRUNT JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR.
English 1: Alright lads. Form up. Someone in 'ere, else why the guard.
Grunt 2: British?
Grunt 1: Quick.. key. Now.
Grunt 2: But aren't they...
Grunt 1: Give me the key.
Grunt 2: aren't they our..
English 1: Now, lads.
FX: DOOR BURSTS OPEN.GUNFIRE.
Pause. (Smoke clears)
English 1: Alright, lads. Just these two. It's explosives. Behind the wall there. And probably everywhere in the base.
Grunt 2: Ugh. Wait..
English 1: Psmith.
Psmith: Right sir.
Grunt2: Wait. Don't. Aren't you.. I mean.. friends of America..
Psmith: You don't remember? Little disagreement. Old grievances, long time coming. That sort of thing. No time to go into details now. Only to say... fuck with the British, sir, at your peril.
Grunt2: But..
FX: GUNFIRE.. FOOTSTEPS.
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